Almost no parent says this out loud. It's one of the most common things I hear in my practice, and one of the most misread.
A child who forms a warm attachment to their caregiver is a child whose caregiver is doing the job well. Attachment theory is clear: children form multiple attachment relationships, and a secure bond with a caregiver doesn't compete with the bond with a parent — it adds to it.
It also tends to be situational in ways that sting more than they should. The nanny is the person present during play and routine; you're often the person present at the hardest transitions — leaving in the morning, arriving at the end of a long day, bedtime. Children save their biggest feelings for their safest person. Those meltdowns you get and the nanny doesn't are evidence of your bond, not a lack of it.
Tammy Gold, LCSW, spent years matching families with nannies before writing Secrets of the Nanny Whisperer (Penguin). Today she works beside families, and their agencies, as a neutral expert: defining the job, interviewing candidates, checking references and setting up the first 30 days.
The screening call, the Gold Targeted Reference Check™, the three-part clinical interview, and a trial-day checklist — what to ask, and what to listen for.
Seven pages · from Tammy Gold, LCSW, author of Secrets of the Nanny Whisperer
PDF · 7 pages · no sign-up needed
Protect small pockets of predictable, undivided time — fifteen unhurried minutes matters more than a big weekend outing. Children bond through routine, not events.
Own at least one daily ritual completely: bath, bedtime story, morning walk. Something that is yours and happens the same way every time.
And don't compete. Parents sometimes respond by becoming the fun one or the lenient one. That destabilizes everything. Be the parent — consistent, present, and unbothered by who got the hug first.
Every child's behavior has a reason, and the reason is different for every child. A Care Map call maps your child across all four domains — biological, emotional, social, environmental — so you stop guessing which advice applies to yours.
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Questions first? Text (818) 308-1358 or email info@caremapmethod.com