Au Pair · Keeping It Working

When your au pair isn't working out

Things aren't going well, and you're wondering whether this is a rough patch or the wrong match. Both happen, and they need different responses.

By Tammy Gold, LCSW
Author of Secrets of the Nanny Whisperer (Penguin)

Tammy Gold, LCSW, MSW

Columbia University

20 years in childcare

Secrets of the Nanny Whisperer by Tammy Gold, published by Penguin

FROM THE AUTHOR OF SECRETS OF THE NANNY WHISPERER

Guidance from the therapist who wrote the Penguin book on hiring a nanny

Tammy Gold, LCSW, spent years matching families with nannies before writing Secrets of the Nanny Whisperer (Penguin). Today she works beside families, and their agencies, as a neutral expert: defining the job, interviewing candidates, checking references and setting up the first 30 days.

Book an hour with Tammy — $189 → Press and media

Often fixable

Unclear expectations about duties, hours, or house rules
Homesickness showing up as withdrawal or irritability
A skills gap with a specific task that training can close
Communication styles that don't mesh yet
Friction about curfews, the car, or guests

Usually not fixable

Safety concerns of any kind with your children
Repeated dishonesty
Disregard for rules after clear, direct conversations
A fundamental mismatch in what the au pair wants from the year
A child who has become fearful or distressed around them

How to handle it

For fixable issues: one direct, specific conversation — name the behavior, ask for their perspective, agree on a change, and schedule a follow-up. Most problems improve quickly once they're named.

For safety concerns: contact your sponsor agency and act immediately. Rematch processes exist for good reason, and delaying out of guilt or logistics is the mistake families regret.

Map Before You Act™

Deciding whether to repair or rematch?

A Care Map call sorts fixable from unfixable. Childcare Expert Access brings you and your au pair to the table together to work it through.

ONE-TIME

Care Map Call

$189

60 minutes with Tammy Gold, LCSW
Your Care Map plan for next steps
The Care Map system for your situation

Book a Care Map call →

ONGOING · MONTHLY

Childcare Expert Access

$150 / month

A 45-minute call every month
Bring your caregiver — work it out together
The full Care Map download library
Support for as long as your child is in care

See how it works →

Questions first? Text (818) 308-1358 or email info@caremapmethod.com