Your child knows you're behind that door. Your nanny knows you can hear everything. You're trying to get through a call. Without a plan, everyone ends up second-guessing each other.
When she's on duty, she's in charge, even if you're in the next room. If you step in every time you hear crying, your child learns to wait for you, and your nanny learns her decisions don't stick. Agree on the few situations where you will come out.
Tammy Gold, LCSW, spent years matching families with nannies before writing Secrets of the Nanny Whisperer (Penguin). Today she works beside families, and their agencies, as a neutral expert: defining the job, interviewing candidates, checking references and setting up the first 30 days.
Agree on what's worth knocking for: safety, illness, or a question that can't wait. Everything else goes in a text or the daily log. Save feedback on how she handled something for later, never in front of your child.
A five-minute handoff at the end of the day keeps small things small: what went well, what was hard, what's tomorrow. See a simple communication system.
Predictable contact is easier than surprise sightings. Choose set times to appear, keep goodbyes brief and warm, and let your nanny handle the tears.
Only if it's in her job description and doesn't take attention from your child. Changes in duties belong in the agreement.
Note it and talk at the end of the day. Correcting her in front of your child undercuts her authority.
Set roles, routines and signals that hold up on busy days.
$189
Screening call, reference questions, clinical interview, and trial-day checklist.
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Tammy is not a placement agency and has no affiliation with, or financial interest in, any agency, daycare or payroll service. She provides independent expert guidance; decisions remain your family’s. Legal, tax and licensing questions belong with the appropriate professional or state agency.